grudges

Yeah, so I've been really thinking about letting go of things in my past. I know there is a lot I've said I've forgiven, but lately I've been thinking and I know that I haven't completely let go. I'm realizing a lot about forgiveness...doesn't mean I really get it but I try. When things happen against me its easy for me to let it go and not hold it against them....when they aren't close. It's when those who are the closest to me that I really have a hard time and I bottle up and just hope that it never gets stirred up cause it will get bad. And yes being upfront would be the answer to that, but when its past that point...when its to the point that you should really be over it. I have just been looking at the relationships in my life and the things done to me that I'm not allowing to help me be stronger, more less they hurt me over and over again whenever it comes up. I guess fully understanding that forgiveness is more for me then the other person. It's hard cause when you forgive them and tell them u would hope things would change and unfortunately sometimes they don't and for some never will. I really wish I had Jesus' take on it all the time! I know that I can't but I really think I should think more serious before throwing out the i forgive you card....cause sometimes it just takes time and not only that but I want to mean it when I say it and it not come back to haunt me. Am I making sense? Maybe in my head atleast...lol! There is just so much to understand about relationships and so much we have to constantly be self aware of. I'm tryin!

Identity Crisis!

Well, its interesting. The book I've been talking about just touched on something that was soo interesting to me. He started talking about ur identity with Christ including ur God given name. Now I love the name Rachel, the meaning the whole nine yards. But I've realized that when my name changed to Tippy my life was in the midst of a huge spiritual change. I was becoming a sold out christian at CCCB when the name became my idenity. There are a number of people in the Bible who are given a new name. I'm not saying i won't claim the name Rachel at all, its simply symbolism. I know that everyone in my hometown know me as Rachel and when I went there it was like huge idenity crisis, I never thought of my name being apart of that. It holds me back to my time of bondage. I don't mind when people call me that...its just something I've been thinking about. Tippy seems to be the me God wants me to be...sure I had my times while known as that name of not being holy, but it doesn't really matter how many names one has u will always have shortcomings..its the attempt to not have them that matters! I dunno, maybe to you it sounds silly, but to me I think it has a lot more signifagance then I've ever thought.

'The Supernatural ways of Royalty'

So I'm reading this new book by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson and man is it good! Its main focus is to show us as Christians our privileges of being a son or daughter of Christ. Reading the first 2 chapters really hit some buttons in my heart. The writer talks about his up bringing and how it has effected his ministry in negative ways because he has a hard time letting go or even realizing his actions because of his past. Then he discusses Moses and how God explained to the writer that Moses was put in the home of the Pheroh rather then the home of a pauper so he would be prepared to deliver the Isrealites! It's something I've never thought of...if he were raised in a slave home he wouldn't have the actions or knowledge to even rise above and set his people free. It kind of puts things into perspective for me. God has blessed me with growing up in a Christian home and yet I've lived as a slave to sin! I know I'm called to see outside of myself and my past in order to help others be delivered from their slavery. We are all called out of sin and its up to us to come up and be Kings or Queens and be the future! Starting the 3rd chapter I have realized that this book would really be good for leading a small group. Each chapter has focus points even if u were to combine a few chapters a time. I really think this could be great curriculum for young adults because it really can be understood easily and really gets u to stop and think!

I'm old fashion??? weird

Well besides everything else in my life that has been changing. I've really started to see a peculiar but good mindset. Without looking at my past but looking at the present I really think things would be so much easier if I lived during the time where guys and women had little interaction except when it comes to the guy deciding he wants to marry her. I don't get why this idea was thrown out the window. It would be so nice if a guy fanced me for a while, but had little interaction with me and came to the conclusion that I was the one he wants to be with! I really would be ok not having much interaction with guys cause well it would make life simpler.
Its crazy how complicated things have become for women and men though.
I'm not saying all issues would be solved...but an idea indeed!